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Royal Review 11/29
Royal Review
by Victor Ludorem
What do the following items all have in common? A moth-eaten Terrible Towel, one autographed Muhammad Ali boxing glove, a souvenir program from the Packers vs Cowboys 1967 Championship game, Gate Dancer’s left rear shoe, a hockey puck signed by Terry Sawchuck and Gordie Howe, a beer stained Masters pass with John Daly’s attempted 19th hole scribble and a Fenway foul ball. Believe it or not all these items were found in, under or around my desk and unearthed in an attempt to relocate our Royal offices. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
Speaking of treasure, here’s a few jewels for you. On Saturday a King’s Ransom was won at Royal Sports. Too bad it was won by OUR clients! In a battle for the ‘Old Oaken Bucket’, (where do they get these names?) Purdue+2.5 lost to Indiana 13-7. The Boilermakers proved to a 12to1 ratio of bettors, what they appearantly already knew, just what happens when you rack up a whopping total of 8 yds rushing in a game….You get smoked like a Royal Turkey. ESPN TV announcer Baby Bowden summed it up with “I wouldn’t even know what to do with an oaken bucket!” I bet his daddy sure would.
Another Hope Diamond that was hard to swallow was Pitt-3.5 in the 94th edition of The Backyard Brawl versus the Mountaineers of WV. I‘ve seen better backyard brawls in my front lawn. Potent Panther combo Priestly-to-Bryant hooked up 11 times for 187 yds. Pitt scored 6 in the 4th period to cover the number for a 16to1 ratio of short-term sports venture capitalists as Pitt lathered up WV (aka. Wet Vagina) 23 –17.
We got a few dubloons back when BC+3.5 failed to cover at Syracuse 28-39. Much to our delight the Orangemen rolled up 600 yds of offense. Two gladiator-like performances were turned in by Syracuse RB Mungro (184yds,2TD) and Boston College RB Green (182yds,2TD). Anybody know what the heck is an Orangeman anyway? Whatever they are, they’ve won 16 straight games in which they score 17 points or more. That’s salty for a man of any color.
The Pros paid the Royal light bill once again as Kordell Stewart led the Steelers in a high-scoring come from behind affair. No gay Kordell pun intended. Pittsburgh appears for real, winning three straight after traveling to Adelphi to beat the (not for real) Titans-2 for a 34-24 victory. In one of the ugliest games of the year, The Battle of Ohio featured 4 FGs and 10 turnovers. The Browns-4 shutout the highly popular Bengals from the Queen City 18-0. How can one state have two lousy pro teams while some states like Oregon, Alabama and South Carolina can’t even have one? That’s why they invented college football. The Monsters of the Midway have been reincarnated and they’re pissed. The Really-Bad-News Bears surprised all the pickers Sunday after the late service beating the Vikings-3, 13-6 in a defensive struggle. Minnesota had not been held w/o a TD in 98 straight games. This year I am very high on the play of Bears MLB Brian Uhrlacher, last year I was high on Ravens LB Ray Lewis, two years ago I was high on, never mind but it does cause short-term memory loss. It seems that the public bought in to that ‘Randy Moss big game highlight reel’ theory. Stunned readers can look for an in-depth behind the scenes interview with the troubled Viking receiver in next month’s edition of a popular music industry publication, titled “Moss Refuses to Grow on Rolling Stone.” Until next week as we prepare to move, “Has anybody seen my Mickey Mantle baseball cards anywhere?”
by Victor Ludorem
What do the following items all have in common? A moth-eaten Terrible Towel, one autographed Muhammad Ali boxing glove, a souvenir program from the Packers vs Cowboys 1967 Championship game, Gate Dancer’s left rear shoe, a hockey puck signed by Terry Sawchuck and Gordie Howe, a beer stained Masters pass with John Daly’s attempted 19th hole scribble and a Fenway foul ball. Believe it or not all these items were found in, under or around my desk and unearthed in an attempt to relocate our Royal offices. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
Speaking of treasure, here’s a few jewels for you. On Saturday a King’s Ransom was won at Royal Sports. Too bad it was won by OUR clients! In a battle for the ‘Old Oaken Bucket’, (where do they get these names?) Purdue+2.5 lost to Indiana 13-7. The Boilermakers proved to a 12to1 ratio of bettors, what they appearantly already knew, just what happens when you rack up a whopping total of 8 yds rushing in a game….You get smoked like a Royal Turkey. ESPN TV announcer Baby Bowden summed it up with “I wouldn’t even know what to do with an oaken bucket!” I bet his daddy sure would.
Another Hope Diamond that was hard to swallow was Pitt-3.5 in the 94th edition of The Backyard Brawl versus the Mountaineers of WV. I‘ve seen better backyard brawls in my front lawn. Potent Panther combo Priestly-to-Bryant hooked up 11 times for 187 yds. Pitt scored 6 in the 4th period to cover the number for a 16to1 ratio of short-term sports venture capitalists as Pitt lathered up WV (aka. Wet Vagina) 23 –17.
We got a few dubloons back when BC+3.5 failed to cover at Syracuse 28-39. Much to our delight the Orangemen rolled up 600 yds of offense. Two gladiator-like performances were turned in by Syracuse RB Mungro (184yds,2TD) and Boston College RB Green (182yds,2TD). Anybody know what the heck is an Orangeman anyway? Whatever they are, they’ve won 16 straight games in which they score 17 points or more. That’s salty for a man of any color.
The Pros paid the Royal light bill once again as Kordell Stewart led the Steelers in a high-scoring come from behind affair. No gay Kordell pun intended. Pittsburgh appears for real, winning three straight after traveling to Adelphi to beat the (not for real) Titans-2 for a 34-24 victory. In one of the ugliest games of the year, The Battle of Ohio featured 4 FGs and 10 turnovers. The Browns-4 shutout the highly popular Bengals from the Queen City 18-0. How can one state have two lousy pro teams while some states like Oregon, Alabama and South Carolina can’t even have one? That’s why they invented college football. The Monsters of the Midway have been reincarnated and they’re pissed. The Really-Bad-News Bears surprised all the pickers Sunday after the late service beating the Vikings-3, 13-6 in a defensive struggle. Minnesota had not been held w/o a TD in 98 straight games. This year I am very high on the play of Bears MLB Brian Uhrlacher, last year I was high on Ravens LB Ray Lewis, two years ago I was high on, never mind but it does cause short-term memory loss. It seems that the public bought in to that ‘Randy Moss big game highlight reel’ theory. Stunned readers can look for an in-depth behind the scenes interview with the troubled Viking receiver in next month’s edition of a popular music industry publication, titled “Moss Refuses to Grow on Rolling Stone.” Until next week as we prepare to move, “Has anybody seen my Mickey Mantle baseball cards anywhere?”