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Royal Review
By Victor Ludorem
Question of the day: Why can’t every weekend be like this past one? Because there is only so much flukey stuff to go around and last weekend had the players puking fluke.
Fluke #1: Indiana63 Wisconsin32. Symptoms began for an 8to1 ratio of bettors who became queasy watching Hoosier RB Levron Williams average 14 yds per carry and score 6 TDs in handing the BAD-gers – 14.5 their worst defeat in over 100 years.
Fluke #2: Georgia26 Tennessee24. The visiting Georgia Bulldogs +11.5 scored with 5 seconds left in the game to upset heavily favored Tennessee in Knoxville. 107,592 fans in the stands and almost that many at Royal reach for the Mylanta as the Vols make a quick post-game exit for the port-a-let.
Fluke #3: New Mexico30 Wyoming 29. World opinion caused this game to switch favourites as Sally Struthers’ Telethon fails to raise enough rabies vaccine for all the people bitten by the Lobos -4 in this wild one out West. Two interceptions returned for TDs had the Cowboys foaming at the mouth in Laramie.
It was certainly no fluke at all for the bettors in Happy Valley, PA as Michigan –10 whitewashed the Shittany Lions 20-0 before their faithful home crowd. 12 people were delighted for every 1 dejected by this embarrassment. Joe Paterno again keeps knocking on the door of Bear Bryant’s total victory record. How long can he remain standing on the threshold, you ask? About as long as a band of tubin-headed trick-or-treaters, if you ask me. Joe Pa should take a page from Tom Landry’s book or better yet the entire last chapter titled “Blacksmith – Career Opportunities for the Next Millennium”.
Fluke #4: Washington St.34 Oregon St.27. No cure exists for this “Fluke for the Ages”.
Everybody was licking their chops all day anticipating this matchup. People like politicians, sheriffs and clergymen who normally do their betting covertly were elbowing little old ladies in line to get their wheel barrows up to the window to shovel on this one.
A ratio of 22to1 Cougar fans made for the largest stand of the year. Washington St. growled and ripped-up 31 unanswered points to start the game and took a 31-3 lead at intermission. This easy lead prompted extremely vigorous 2nd half action on the homestanding Cougars creating the largest 2nd half stand of the year as well. Once the marching bands cleared the field, Beaver Fever set in fast and there’s no insurance for sick in the dick. So now you know what can happen when you back a well-licked Beaver into a corner in Fluke City. A blocked punt for a TD by OSU set the stage for ‘classic fluke’. With 30 seconds left, the Cougars up by 14, facing 3rd down and four from midfield instead of laying down (see Landry; Chapter 10), attempt to run wide and fumble their way into a late cover-busting TD.
Saturday, a day of infamy for sportsbettors.
In the pros, Royal split out big decisions as the Browns+3 upset the Chargers 20-16 and the Rams-13.5 skunked the Lions 35-0 on Monday Night.
Bottom line: Flukey Won Predictable Zero.
By Victor Ludorem
Question of the day: Why can’t every weekend be like this past one? Because there is only so much flukey stuff to go around and last weekend had the players puking fluke.
Fluke #1: Indiana63 Wisconsin32. Symptoms began for an 8to1 ratio of bettors who became queasy watching Hoosier RB Levron Williams average 14 yds per carry and score 6 TDs in handing the BAD-gers – 14.5 their worst defeat in over 100 years.
Fluke #2: Georgia26 Tennessee24. The visiting Georgia Bulldogs +11.5 scored with 5 seconds left in the game to upset heavily favored Tennessee in Knoxville. 107,592 fans in the stands and almost that many at Royal reach for the Mylanta as the Vols make a quick post-game exit for the port-a-let.
Fluke #3: New Mexico30 Wyoming 29. World opinion caused this game to switch favourites as Sally Struthers’ Telethon fails to raise enough rabies vaccine for all the people bitten by the Lobos -4 in this wild one out West. Two interceptions returned for TDs had the Cowboys foaming at the mouth in Laramie.
It was certainly no fluke at all for the bettors in Happy Valley, PA as Michigan –10 whitewashed the Shittany Lions 20-0 before their faithful home crowd. 12 people were delighted for every 1 dejected by this embarrassment. Joe Paterno again keeps knocking on the door of Bear Bryant’s total victory record. How long can he remain standing on the threshold, you ask? About as long as a band of tubin-headed trick-or-treaters, if you ask me. Joe Pa should take a page from Tom Landry’s book or better yet the entire last chapter titled “Blacksmith – Career Opportunities for the Next Millennium”.
Fluke #4: Washington St.34 Oregon St.27. No cure exists for this “Fluke for the Ages”.
Everybody was licking their chops all day anticipating this matchup. People like politicians, sheriffs and clergymen who normally do their betting covertly were elbowing little old ladies in line to get their wheel barrows up to the window to shovel on this one.
A ratio of 22to1 Cougar fans made for the largest stand of the year. Washington St. growled and ripped-up 31 unanswered points to start the game and took a 31-3 lead at intermission. This easy lead prompted extremely vigorous 2nd half action on the homestanding Cougars creating the largest 2nd half stand of the year as well. Once the marching bands cleared the field, Beaver Fever set in fast and there’s no insurance for sick in the dick. So now you know what can happen when you back a well-licked Beaver into a corner in Fluke City. A blocked punt for a TD by OSU set the stage for ‘classic fluke’. With 30 seconds left, the Cougars up by 14, facing 3rd down and four from midfield instead of laying down (see Landry; Chapter 10), attempt to run wide and fumble their way into a late cover-busting TD.
Saturday, a day of infamy for sportsbettors.
In the pros, Royal split out big decisions as the Browns+3 upset the Chargers 20-16 and the Rams-13.5 skunked the Lions 35-0 on Monday Night.
Bottom line: Flukey Won Predictable Zero.