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Royal Review
By Victor Ludorem
Ahoy! Gazing out my office window, thoughts inspired by Herman Melville course through my veins with every passing Caribbean swell. The billowing sails canvas the trades and propel ships filled with undisclosed cargoes through the glistening waves of indigo toward destinations unknown. “Call me Ishmael” but no matter the ports-o’call, soon as the gangplank is tossed, the primary questions on the lips of every Mate echo the familiar call… “ Where is the coldest beer? the hottest women? and how the Mariners been doin’?”
To update all the ancient mariners at sea, the Diamondbacks won one of the most drama packed World Series of recent times. In my opinion this was one for the ages. Just think one day, your wrinkled ass will be able to tell the grandkids about that ‘Series back in 01’. And may God bless the old goat you’ll one day be and the stories you’ll be full of.
Royal Sports got shanghai-ed on Saturday in college football. Not since the Normandie Invasion has so many people with bayonets loaded their boats on one team. Never to confuse Joe Paterno with George Patton, even though they went to grade school together,
but the results were the same when JoePa hit the beach in Happy Valley. A 16to1 ratio of commandos were liberated and victorious backing that team wearing the uniforms with all the pizzazz of my junior varsity spring-practice jersey. Penn St.-1.5 must have been somebody’s lock of the century or something. Every time I looked up it seems PSU was moving the chains or else their frigging mascot was doing pushups over an inflatable Southern Miss doll. PennSt 38 S. Miss. 20. Brutal for Royal. Now I know how an inflatable doll feels. To make matters even more rosy, the Boilermakers-1.5 scored the first 13 points of their Big10 game against Illinois before pissing off the Illini to the tune of 38 unanswered points. Can you guess who we needed in this one? If you played at Royal – you had Illinois and there was standing room only at the payout line.
The hole was dug so deep that the only hope for us on Sunday, was if we struck oil.
NE+3 winning straight over the Falcons and GB-6 came up short defeating TB 21-20 at least stopped the Royal offshore-drilling platform. Royal dodged a Moby Dick-sized
harpoon with the thrilling come-from-behind victory by, this year’s so far ‘Cinderella Team’, the Chicago Bears. It must have been a heart-breaker for all the Browns backers to lose getting +4 in OT. In a game featuring more lost teeth than yards gained, the Jets+6 whipped New Orleans 16-9 in the SuperDome as the “Saints came limping in”. The action on the field more resembled a WWF Main Event than a football game. Jets’ safety Damien ‘Busta Cap’ Robinson demands a rematch against Saints OT Kyle ‘the Enforcer’ Turley. after the surly Turley ripped his helmet off and tried to hurl it into ‘Old Man River’. ‘Busta’ was lucky his chin-strap came loose but vows revenge and next time will “park his ride… more closer to the turf” just in case he needs something “out the trunk” for the tattooed-giant Turley.
Avast! That’s it for this week; time to help Queequeg reel in another one.
By Victor Ludorem
Ahoy! Gazing out my office window, thoughts inspired by Herman Melville course through my veins with every passing Caribbean swell. The billowing sails canvas the trades and propel ships filled with undisclosed cargoes through the glistening waves of indigo toward destinations unknown. “Call me Ishmael” but no matter the ports-o’call, soon as the gangplank is tossed, the primary questions on the lips of every Mate echo the familiar call… “ Where is the coldest beer? the hottest women? and how the Mariners been doin’?”
To update all the ancient mariners at sea, the Diamondbacks won one of the most drama packed World Series of recent times. In my opinion this was one for the ages. Just think one day, your wrinkled ass will be able to tell the grandkids about that ‘Series back in 01’. And may God bless the old goat you’ll one day be and the stories you’ll be full of.
Royal Sports got shanghai-ed on Saturday in college football. Not since the Normandie Invasion has so many people with bayonets loaded their boats on one team. Never to confuse Joe Paterno with George Patton, even though they went to grade school together,
but the results were the same when JoePa hit the beach in Happy Valley. A 16to1 ratio of commandos were liberated and victorious backing that team wearing the uniforms with all the pizzazz of my junior varsity spring-practice jersey. Penn St.-1.5 must have been somebody’s lock of the century or something. Every time I looked up it seems PSU was moving the chains or else their frigging mascot was doing pushups over an inflatable Southern Miss doll. PennSt 38 S. Miss. 20. Brutal for Royal. Now I know how an inflatable doll feels. To make matters even more rosy, the Boilermakers-1.5 scored the first 13 points of their Big10 game against Illinois before pissing off the Illini to the tune of 38 unanswered points. Can you guess who we needed in this one? If you played at Royal – you had Illinois and there was standing room only at the payout line.
The hole was dug so deep that the only hope for us on Sunday, was if we struck oil.
NE+3 winning straight over the Falcons and GB-6 came up short defeating TB 21-20 at least stopped the Royal offshore-drilling platform. Royal dodged a Moby Dick-sized
harpoon with the thrilling come-from-behind victory by, this year’s so far ‘Cinderella Team’, the Chicago Bears. It must have been a heart-breaker for all the Browns backers to lose getting +4 in OT. In a game featuring more lost teeth than yards gained, the Jets+6 whipped New Orleans 16-9 in the SuperDome as the “Saints came limping in”. The action on the field more resembled a WWF Main Event than a football game. Jets’ safety Damien ‘Busta Cap’ Robinson demands a rematch against Saints OT Kyle ‘the Enforcer’ Turley. after the surly Turley ripped his helmet off and tried to hurl it into ‘Old Man River’. ‘Busta’ was lucky his chin-strap came loose but vows revenge and next time will “park his ride… more closer to the turf” just in case he needs something “out the trunk” for the tattooed-giant Turley.
Avast! That’s it for this week; time to help Queequeg reel in another one.