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Royal Review 12/27
Royal Review
by Victor Ludorem
With the Bowl Season now in full swing, this brave new year offers sports enthusiasts more Bowl games to choose from than ever before.
While many of your traditional favorites like the Rose Bowl ‘the Granddaddy of them all’ return for an encore, several have changed venue and even more have made changes in their corporate sponsorship structure. Used to be you needed a program to determine who’s playing, now you need one to tell what’s playing whom, where, AND what shameless degrees of self-promotion must the viewer be subjected to by the sponsor. The range of products and services promoted by the sponsors is broad as the Great Divide and the list goes on and on like Old Man River.
Most of these Bowl Committees, like human beings, look to garner long-term relationships and others like some of us, constantly look for the ‘best sponsor’ every year.
Like in life, some succeed and some don’t.
Here is a brief sampling of some of the Bowl Games that didn’t quite make it for one reason or another. These are the ones you won’t be seeing this year. The MarthaStewart.com Bowl where all you have to do to get in for free is show up at the gate with Quiche Lorraine stuck in your teeth or wearing either the latest plaid or paisley print selections. The US Armed Forces BinLaden Bowl where every fan wearing a turbin gets a free fake passport, with a special passport-number drawing to select the lucky winners who get to personally go on the field demonstrate the ‘DaisyCutter’ bomb device at halftime. (FYI: don’t tell anybody, all passports have duplicate numbers). The Regis Philbin-Who Wants to be a Head Coach Bowl where head coaches from each team get 3 lifelines to assist them with difficult play calling – 50/50, help from the crowd, or call a friend. The person with the most correct answers from the crowd gets to be the newest head-coach of the Fighting Irish provided he can pass a polygraph test. The Weedeater Challenge Bowl from the Big Island of Hawaii offering local treats served by Hula dancers from the Cultural Center right after kickoff. These baked goodies containing the latest harvest of ‘Hilo Hypnosis’ insure everyone has a great time but a not so memorable football game. Most fans in the stands have lost interest in the game, scores of them are line-dancing with the cheerleaders on the sideline, and record concession sales are expected in the second half of this game. The Golden State Representative Bowl where congressmen from California and neighboring states can bring their interns, play musical chairs, leave with somebodyelse, have fun and still retain full deniability to Barbara Walters. The VirtualReality.com Bowl where each team must have at least one person over 35 years old from the stands in uniform and on the field at all times. This new concept adds a new dimension to the terms freeze the kicker, halfback option and Red Zone.
As we prepare to sing “Auld Lang Syne” and bid a fond ado to one hell of a strange year. I’m sure no one is remorse in throwing in the towel and kissing Aloha to 2001, a year that changed the world and the way we all view things. Best of luck to anyone who reads this. Happy Holidays to you and yours from Royal Sports in the Netherlands Antilles where every game is a bowl game for someone
by Victor Ludorem
With the Bowl Season now in full swing, this brave new year offers sports enthusiasts more Bowl games to choose from than ever before.
While many of your traditional favorites like the Rose Bowl ‘the Granddaddy of them all’ return for an encore, several have changed venue and even more have made changes in their corporate sponsorship structure. Used to be you needed a program to determine who’s playing, now you need one to tell what’s playing whom, where, AND what shameless degrees of self-promotion must the viewer be subjected to by the sponsor. The range of products and services promoted by the sponsors is broad as the Great Divide and the list goes on and on like Old Man River.
Most of these Bowl Committees, like human beings, look to garner long-term relationships and others like some of us, constantly look for the ‘best sponsor’ every year.
Like in life, some succeed and some don’t.
Here is a brief sampling of some of the Bowl Games that didn’t quite make it for one reason or another. These are the ones you won’t be seeing this year. The MarthaStewart.com Bowl where all you have to do to get in for free is show up at the gate with Quiche Lorraine stuck in your teeth or wearing either the latest plaid or paisley print selections. The US Armed Forces BinLaden Bowl where every fan wearing a turbin gets a free fake passport, with a special passport-number drawing to select the lucky winners who get to personally go on the field demonstrate the ‘DaisyCutter’ bomb device at halftime. (FYI: don’t tell anybody, all passports have duplicate numbers). The Regis Philbin-Who Wants to be a Head Coach Bowl where head coaches from each team get 3 lifelines to assist them with difficult play calling – 50/50, help from the crowd, or call a friend. The person with the most correct answers from the crowd gets to be the newest head-coach of the Fighting Irish provided he can pass a polygraph test. The Weedeater Challenge Bowl from the Big Island of Hawaii offering local treats served by Hula dancers from the Cultural Center right after kickoff. These baked goodies containing the latest harvest of ‘Hilo Hypnosis’ insure everyone has a great time but a not so memorable football game. Most fans in the stands have lost interest in the game, scores of them are line-dancing with the cheerleaders on the sideline, and record concession sales are expected in the second half of this game. The Golden State Representative Bowl where congressmen from California and neighboring states can bring their interns, play musical chairs, leave with somebodyelse, have fun and still retain full deniability to Barbara Walters. The VirtualReality.com Bowl where each team must have at least one person over 35 years old from the stands in uniform and on the field at all times. This new concept adds a new dimension to the terms freeze the kicker, halfback option and Red Zone.
As we prepare to sing “Auld Lang Syne” and bid a fond ado to one hell of a strange year. I’m sure no one is remorse in throwing in the towel and kissing Aloha to 2001, a year that changed the world and the way we all view things. Best of luck to anyone who reads this. Happy Holidays to you and yours from Royal Sports in the Netherlands Antilles where every game is a bowl game for someone